The $300 birthday party

The $300 birthday party. Maybe $200, if you’re lucky, but by my calculations $300 is the norm for your child’s birthday nowadays. You are expected to put together an entertainment package for 8 to 15 children in your child’s class, feed them, and talk to a bunch of parents you really don’t know, while judging them for the things they let their child get away with.

Last year, I knew more of the kids and parents in my kid’s daycare class, so the $300inflatable place’s birthday party package was acceptable.  This year, I really don’t know many of the kids, and even fewer parents. Why do I have to entertain their kids one afternoon while my kid really only plays with one or two of them?

So I decided to take my kid and his best friend to Build-a-Bear and let them pick any animal they want and up to two outfits. By the time it’s done, I figure I’ll spend $100 on the bears (or whatever they decide to make), and then we’ll go to dinner so there’s another $100. But my kid gets to spend time with his really good friend and they both get lasting keepsake memories.

Good plan. But I have mom guilt. Am I doing it because I’m too lazy to do invitations and find out the names of all the kids in his class? Am I doing it because I ran out of time and never got around to actually calling a party place to book it? Am I doing it because I’m selfish and don’t want to talk to a bunch of random people I don’t know for 3 hours? Or am I doing it because I think my kid will actually enjoy this plan?

Mom guilt sucks.

Update: I held the birthday party with his best friend and they build creatures at the Build-a-bear store. They then picked out a giant slice of cookie cake at the mall. They had the BEST time. We followed it up with playground play and dinner at Chick-Fil-A. He had a great time and loved his birthday party!!

Happy mom again.

Requisite post about the Elf

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
   - Susan Lieberman

I got my memo to post about the Elf on the Shelf from the International Society of Imaginary Peer Pressure Among Mommy Bloggers, so here is my post.

I was at a big bookstore today getting in some more gift-getting, and happened past this new Elf parody: Elf Off the Shelf. Now, I know that you have to pick something and pull the trigger fast to capitalize on the craze, (and I was 100% behind Go the F--- to Sleep), but this parenting parody seemed like just a sad attempt.

First of all, let me state my position: I am PRO-Elf. I've had three recent conversations with moms who are anti-Elf, believing that discipline is a year-round thing, not just something meant for Christmastime.

I completely agree with this sentiment, which is why we have the Valentine's Day Candy Threat, Easter Bunny Threat, the Tooth Fairy Threat, the Halloween Candy Threat, the No-TV Threat, and any other threat that happens to potentially take away something that my child wants.Which is why I and six of the daycare moms and coworkers I've polled so far also have an Elf.

Now that I have stated my Pro-Elf position, let me now state my 2-Hour Mom position: I don't have time to be an Overachieving Elf-on-the-Shelf Mom, or post my amazing Elf-tastic moments to Pintrest (I admit to really loving this one, though).

Our elf is named Zaphod, and he changes positions most nights. I've only forgotten once, but my kid forgot to look for him that morning, so I was able to slyly reposition him while the kiddo let the dogs out.

In case you didn't know, these elves are modeled on a decoration from the 40s or 50s. My mother has about 30 of them that she used to always decorate the house with for Christmas. We'll be taking the kiddo home to my parents' house this year, so it will be absolutely hysterical to see what he thinks of so many elves hanging out at Gangee and Pappo's house! I'm hoping he finds it funny and doesn't have to have therapy later in life..


I know I'll get tired of the internet meme that is the Elf on the Shelf, but in my house, I'll never get tired of seeing my kid try to find him when he comes downstairs in the morning.

I like the elf. I'm not going to do crazy insane things with him like make pillows out of marshmallows or have him flying across the room on a helium balloon. But I like him. Traditions are fun and they make creating the memories of the holidays all that more exciting. Kudos to you overachieving Elf moms. And kudos to us busy moms who like to try, too. And uber-kudos to you other moms whose kids are just naturally well-behaved! :-)

Obligatory Elf on the Shelf post complete.

Negotiating with terrorists (I mean toddlers)

When I was a kid on vacation with my parents in Mexico, my dad would always make me do the negotiations with the street vendors when I wanted to buy souvenirs. I learned awesome expert negotiation skills to get things well below the price I actually would have paid for their wares.

My four-year-old has had no such experiences to train him in the art of negotiation, but  I find myself increasingly impressed with his negotiation skills.

Kid: “I’m done eating. I’m full.”

Me: “Eat four more bites of meat.”

Kid: “Two bites of meat and two bites of bread?”

Me: “No, four bites of meat. Then you can have bread if you want it.”

Kid: “Four bites of meat and a cookie.”

Me: “No, you said you were full. Four bites of meat and then you’re done.”

Kid: “But I’m full!”

Me: “Then just drink your milk.”

Kid: “Then I get a cookie?”

Me: “I thought you were full.”

Kid: “I am. Can I  go?”

Me: “FOUR MORE BITES OF MEAT!”

Kid: *SIGH!* “Okay.”

You get the point. Impressive, isn’t it? I’m impressed.

Grandparents and rules

I keep seeing cute little plaques in my mail order catalogs with pithy sayings like “If I had known grandchildren were so much fun, I would have had them first!” and “Grandma’s house: Let the spoiling begin.” But I thought that my parents would never be THOSE kind of grandparents. They were really fun parents, with really fun personalities and ways of teaching me unique life lessons, but they had rules. Boundaries. Sugar limitations. Enforced manners. Enforce bedtimes.

Seems that they have morphed into the grandparents that sneak their grandchild candy and cookies, let him stay up until 10pm, let him interrupt conversations, allow him to climb on furniture, and other not-how-I-remember-being-raised leniencies.  And I’m left spending the next week trying to get my kid back to normal through timeouts, spankings, and "no TV" punishments.

 I get that it’s a grandparent thing to do, so I'm not mad about it. And I chatted with a sweet 71-year-old grandmother of 4 on an airplane recently who informed me not to try to get my parents to follow any rules because it is their god-given right as grandparents to allow their grandchildren to run all over them.

So fine, I’m cool with that. 

My biggest fear is that my parents will start telling other people that my child is poorly behaved, the way I hear them talk about other people's children. My mother has already suggested that my child might have ADD - note to my mom: he is a 4-year-old boy. But when I took a peek in the pantry after their most recent stay with my son, I discovered a treasure trove of cookies and other snacks that I never let him have! And she baked him a gorgeous cake for his birthday, too. And I witnessed my mom allowing my son to interrupt her conversation on multiple occasions without making him wait his turn. And his daycare teacher reported that he was in more timeouts because he was tired and whiney and not behaving like himself on the mornings after he stayed up until 10pm. And a friend who saw my kid with parents asked if they were feeding him crack because he wouldn't stop bouncing the entire time.

So I would like to officially report to my parents that my child is not poorly behaved (most of the time), I do not let him interrupt conversations without punishment, he does go to bed at 8pm (most of the time), he does not get to have cookies and candy on a regular basis, and does not normally bounce around on all of the furniture.

Okay, that last one may not be ENTIRELY true… he *is* Spider-Man, after all.