As I am drowning in stress I find myself wondering how I ended up with all of the parenting responsibilities. I am bipolar and require more sleep than most people and yet I am the one waking up twice a night to feed our 4 month old and the one waking up to get both kids ready, bottles made, teeth brushed, gear packed, and driving them to daycare before 9. My job comes with deadlines and launch calendars but I'm on full-time mommy duty when one of the kids gets sick (which is ALL the time this winter). And at the end of the day when the stress is piled the highest, when I am rushing to get to a stopping point, when 3:30 turns to 6 within a blink of an eye, that's when I get a gentle nudge "You're still here?". Then there's dinner to plan which has been fast and frozen food for as long as I can remember. As soon as I sit down the youngest is hungry or the oldest is finished and wants more. It is a rare evening I get to eat a hot meal. No time to rest because then it's bath, brush, and story time. After all is said and done I have accomplished little and slept less. Do I go straight to bed? What about "me" time? All day I've been a business owner, a programmer, and a mommy, when do I squeeze in being a wife?
I usually get the advice to "ask for help". Tell me, when you ask for help from someone does it ever actually help? In my case I get a "I guess" response which means he is willing to help but he isn't happy about it. Then, I spend the remainder of the time feeling guilt which isn't helpful at all. Just once I would like a little help without having to ask for it.
I know one day my husband will come across this blog and he will like 1) be angry that I am sharing this with the world and 2) be a little mystified why I didn't communicate this with him first. A few months ago when my youngest was born he would wake up after my morning feeding and watch both of them while I slept another 3 hours. I can't tell you how much rest you can get when you know both of your children are being taken care of and you don't have to watch the baby monitor or wonder when your oldest is going to come wake you up. I got more sleep in those 3 hours then any other time. I miss that. I miss the peace of mind. I miss the help. I need a life line.
They say that having a second child is double the work for the mom, but infinitely more work for the husband. When you had the first one, you had to do everything. Feed, bathe, make lunch, laundry, take to doctor, heal wounds, leap tall buildings. Hubby get to play with the kid. Sometimes he puts him to bed. Maybe even makes breakfast on a Sunday morinng.
ReplyDeleteWith the second one, there is no other option than for the husband to do a little caring for the oldest child while you take care of baby-care needs. Therefore, any amount of help he has to give is infinately more than he ever had to give before.
So he's probably overhwlemed, too, but we find him wimpy and whiney compared to everything we do. We have to remember that they are men. They are lost without women. If it weren't for women, the world would crumble!
Let us know how we can help. You have friends and we are here for you! Need a babysitter? we can tag team it and bring our kids and let them occupy themselves. Wanna join up and watch some Dr. Horrible? That's doable, too!