Pay Attention

I constantly find myself telling my four year old to pay attention. Stop fooling around. Don’t look at the TV. Put that down and PAY ATTENTION. 

But I’m not a very good example. When he talks to me (and he talks A LOT), I’m working on the computer, playing on my phone, reading the paper, reading a magazine, looking at the TV, cooking dinner, cleaning up, or doing laundry. So asking him to pay attention to me is one of those “do as I say, not as I do” scenarios.

It’s important that I do pay attention at the key moments, like every once in a while one of those “Mom, look at this” requests is actually for something worthwhile and cool. Like the abstract horse he made out LEGOs. Or the hat he made out of tinker toys. Of course, like the boy who cried wolf, only 2 out of about 500 of the hollers actually are something important.

I truly don’t want to miss the amazing things that he does. I also don’t really want to miss the mundane things he does. But none of us can give 100% attention to 100% of things all the time. And no, I really don't need to see what Spongebob just did.

But I guess when I tell him to pay attention, I need to be mindful of what I’m doing when he says it to me... and I should probably cut him a little slack.

Teachable moments

I went to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time today since I was like 10. It was insane. It was noisy. The kids were inconsiderate. The parents were worse. I was overwhelmed, frustrated and at the point of just wanting to give my kids tickets to someone and get the heck out of there. So while standing in like for the prize redemption, I was talking to another mom and complaining about all the big kids getting in front of my kid. I said, I don't know when to let him fend for himself or step in. And I said, "Like this girl. Standing with her mom and she just let her go in front of him. Isn't it the parents' job to teach their kids?"

The mom turned around and RIPPED in to me! She said, "You know, you could just point it out, or say excuse me, or ask remind me that your child was here. Talking about me right behind my back is an ineffective way to get your point across. You could use this as a teachable moment and explain to your child what to do."

Score one for the good mom. Shame on me. She was dead on and I told her so.

I said, "That's fair. You're right. I'm just overwhelmed with this place and watching parents let their kids trample other kids. You're right. It's my first time in and I shouldn't have let that get to me."
Her: "Your FIRST time here?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Oh. I get that. We all just want to get our prizes and get out of here."

So message to parents, and learning for me: Next time, I'll try saying, "Excuse me, I was ahead of you. Do you mind if we go in order?"

And we should remember that none of us parents REALLY want to be in that godforsaken place. We do it for the kids. We should keep our cool, teach our kids manners, and try harder to get along.

That was my teachable moment for the day. but it was me getting taught.

Sharing knowledge

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
  - Dalai Lama XIV

A friend recently posted this link to Facebook and as a mother of an awesome, amazing, frustrating, fantastic little boy, I felt compelled to share:

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

When do you coddle and when do you demand?

My latest dilemma with my 4-year-old kiddo is the attitude. When do I tell him what to do and deal with the tantrum, and when do I do the playful fun mommy thing and get him to laugh and giggle so that he stops being a pain?

I don't want him to think that acting rudely and my reacting humorously is acceptable all the time, but I also don't want to be the direct, domineering, and absolute dictator all the time, either.

I suppose the answer is to play it by ear and let the situation unfold as is best for my needs (as in when I'm in a hurry, which one will get my my desired result faster?)...

What do you do?

The $300 birthday party

The $300 birthday party. Maybe $200, if you’re lucky, but by my calculations $300 is the norm for your child’s birthday nowadays. You are expected to put together an entertainment package for 8 to 15 children in your child’s class, feed them, and talk to a bunch of parents you really don’t know, while judging them for the things they let their child get away with.

Last year, I knew more of the kids and parents in my kid’s daycare class, so the $300inflatable place’s birthday party package was acceptable.  This year, I really don’t know many of the kids, and even fewer parents. Why do I have to entertain their kids one afternoon while my kid really only plays with one or two of them?

So I decided to take my kid and his best friend to Build-a-Bear and let them pick any animal they want and up to two outfits. By the time it’s done, I figure I’ll spend $100 on the bears (or whatever they decide to make), and then we’ll go to dinner so there’s another $100. But my kid gets to spend time with his really good friend and they both get lasting keepsake memories.

Good plan. But I have mom guilt. Am I doing it because I’m too lazy to do invitations and find out the names of all the kids in his class? Am I doing it because I ran out of time and never got around to actually calling a party place to book it? Am I doing it because I’m selfish and don’t want to talk to a bunch of random people I don’t know for 3 hours? Or am I doing it because I think my kid will actually enjoy this plan?

Mom guilt sucks.

Update: I held the birthday party with his best friend and they build creatures at the Build-a-bear store. They then picked out a giant slice of cookie cake at the mall. They had the BEST time. We followed it up with playground play and dinner at Chick-Fil-A. He had a great time and loved his birthday party!!

Happy mom again.

Requisite post about the Elf

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
   - Susan Lieberman

I got my memo to post about the Elf on the Shelf from the International Society of Imaginary Peer Pressure Among Mommy Bloggers, so here is my post.

I was at a big bookstore today getting in some more gift-getting, and happened past this new Elf parody: Elf Off the Shelf. Now, I know that you have to pick something and pull the trigger fast to capitalize on the craze, (and I was 100% behind Go the F--- to Sleep), but this parenting parody seemed like just a sad attempt.

First of all, let me state my position: I am PRO-Elf. I've had three recent conversations with moms who are anti-Elf, believing that discipline is a year-round thing, not just something meant for Christmastime.

I completely agree with this sentiment, which is why we have the Valentine's Day Candy Threat, Easter Bunny Threat, the Tooth Fairy Threat, the Halloween Candy Threat, the No-TV Threat, and any other threat that happens to potentially take away something that my child wants.Which is why I and six of the daycare moms and coworkers I've polled so far also have an Elf.

Now that I have stated my Pro-Elf position, let me now state my 2-Hour Mom position: I don't have time to be an Overachieving Elf-on-the-Shelf Mom, or post my amazing Elf-tastic moments to Pintrest (I admit to really loving this one, though).

Our elf is named Zaphod, and he changes positions most nights. I've only forgotten once, but my kid forgot to look for him that morning, so I was able to slyly reposition him while the kiddo let the dogs out.

In case you didn't know, these elves are modeled on a decoration from the 40s or 50s. My mother has about 30 of them that she used to always decorate the house with for Christmas. We'll be taking the kiddo home to my parents' house this year, so it will be absolutely hysterical to see what he thinks of so many elves hanging out at Gangee and Pappo's house! I'm hoping he finds it funny and doesn't have to have therapy later in life..


I know I'll get tired of the internet meme that is the Elf on the Shelf, but in my house, I'll never get tired of seeing my kid try to find him when he comes downstairs in the morning.

I like the elf. I'm not going to do crazy insane things with him like make pillows out of marshmallows or have him flying across the room on a helium balloon. But I like him. Traditions are fun and they make creating the memories of the holidays all that more exciting. Kudos to you overachieving Elf moms. And kudos to us busy moms who like to try, too. And uber-kudos to you other moms whose kids are just naturally well-behaved! :-)

Obligatory Elf on the Shelf post complete.

Negotiating with terrorists (I mean toddlers)

When I was a kid on vacation with my parents in Mexico, my dad would always make me do the negotiations with the street vendors when I wanted to buy souvenirs. I learned awesome expert negotiation skills to get things well below the price I actually would have paid for their wares.

My four-year-old has had no such experiences to train him in the art of negotiation, but  I find myself increasingly impressed with his negotiation skills.

Kid: “I’m done eating. I’m full.”

Me: “Eat four more bites of meat.”

Kid: “Two bites of meat and two bites of bread?”

Me: “No, four bites of meat. Then you can have bread if you want it.”

Kid: “Four bites of meat and a cookie.”

Me: “No, you said you were full. Four bites of meat and then you’re done.”

Kid: “But I’m full!”

Me: “Then just drink your milk.”

Kid: “Then I get a cookie?”

Me: “I thought you were full.”

Kid: “I am. Can I  go?”

Me: “FOUR MORE BITES OF MEAT!”

Kid: *SIGH!* “Okay.”

You get the point. Impressive, isn’t it? I’m impressed.