Requisite post about the Elf

Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
   - Susan Lieberman

I got my memo to post about the Elf on the Shelf from the International Society of Imaginary Peer Pressure Among Mommy Bloggers, so here is my post.

I was at a big bookstore today getting in some more gift-getting, and happened past this new Elf parody: Elf Off the Shelf. Now, I know that you have to pick something and pull the trigger fast to capitalize on the craze, (and I was 100% behind Go the F--- to Sleep), but this parenting parody seemed like just a sad attempt.

First of all, let me state my position: I am PRO-Elf. I've had three recent conversations with moms who are anti-Elf, believing that discipline is a year-round thing, not just something meant for Christmastime.

I completely agree with this sentiment, which is why we have the Valentine's Day Candy Threat, Easter Bunny Threat, the Tooth Fairy Threat, the Halloween Candy Threat, the No-TV Threat, and any other threat that happens to potentially take away something that my child wants.Which is why I and six of the daycare moms and coworkers I've polled so far also have an Elf.

Now that I have stated my Pro-Elf position, let me now state my 2-Hour Mom position: I don't have time to be an Overachieving Elf-on-the-Shelf Mom, or post my amazing Elf-tastic moments to Pintrest (I admit to really loving this one, though).

Our elf is named Zaphod, and he changes positions most nights. I've only forgotten once, but my kid forgot to look for him that morning, so I was able to slyly reposition him while the kiddo let the dogs out.

In case you didn't know, these elves are modeled on a decoration from the 40s or 50s. My mother has about 30 of them that she used to always decorate the house with for Christmas. We'll be taking the kiddo home to my parents' house this year, so it will be absolutely hysterical to see what he thinks of so many elves hanging out at Gangee and Pappo's house! I'm hoping he finds it funny and doesn't have to have therapy later in life..


I know I'll get tired of the internet meme that is the Elf on the Shelf, but in my house, I'll never get tired of seeing my kid try to find him when he comes downstairs in the morning.

I like the elf. I'm not going to do crazy insane things with him like make pillows out of marshmallows or have him flying across the room on a helium balloon. But I like him. Traditions are fun and they make creating the memories of the holidays all that more exciting. Kudos to you overachieving Elf moms. And kudos to us busy moms who like to try, too. And uber-kudos to you other moms whose kids are just naturally well-behaved! :-)

Obligatory Elf on the Shelf post complete.

Negotiating with terrorists (I mean toddlers)

When I was a kid on vacation with my parents in Mexico, my dad would always make me do the negotiations with the street vendors when I wanted to buy souvenirs. I learned awesome expert negotiation skills to get things well below the price I actually would have paid for their wares.

My four-year-old has had no such experiences to train him in the art of negotiation, but  I find myself increasingly impressed with his negotiation skills.

Kid: “I’m done eating. I’m full.”

Me: “Eat four more bites of meat.”

Kid: “Two bites of meat and two bites of bread?”

Me: “No, four bites of meat. Then you can have bread if you want it.”

Kid: “Four bites of meat and a cookie.”

Me: “No, you said you were full. Four bites of meat and then you’re done.”

Kid: “But I’m full!”

Me: “Then just drink your milk.”

Kid: “Then I get a cookie?”

Me: “I thought you were full.”

Kid: “I am. Can I  go?”

Me: “FOUR MORE BITES OF MEAT!”

Kid: *SIGH!* “Okay.”

You get the point. Impressive, isn’t it? I’m impressed.

Grandparents and rules

I keep seeing cute little plaques in my mail order catalogs with pithy sayings like “If I had known grandchildren were so much fun, I would have had them first!” and “Grandma’s house: Let the spoiling begin.” But I thought that my parents would never be THOSE kind of grandparents. They were really fun parents, with really fun personalities and ways of teaching me unique life lessons, but they had rules. Boundaries. Sugar limitations. Enforced manners. Enforce bedtimes.

Seems that they have morphed into the grandparents that sneak their grandchild candy and cookies, let him stay up until 10pm, let him interrupt conversations, allow him to climb on furniture, and other not-how-I-remember-being-raised leniencies.  And I’m left spending the next week trying to get my kid back to normal through timeouts, spankings, and "no TV" punishments.

 I get that it’s a grandparent thing to do, so I'm not mad about it. And I chatted with a sweet 71-year-old grandmother of 4 on an airplane recently who informed me not to try to get my parents to follow any rules because it is their god-given right as grandparents to allow their grandchildren to run all over them.

So fine, I’m cool with that. 

My biggest fear is that my parents will start telling other people that my child is poorly behaved, the way I hear them talk about other people's children. My mother has already suggested that my child might have ADD - note to my mom: he is a 4-year-old boy. But when I took a peek in the pantry after their most recent stay with my son, I discovered a treasure trove of cookies and other snacks that I never let him have! And she baked him a gorgeous cake for his birthday, too. And I witnessed my mom allowing my son to interrupt her conversation on multiple occasions without making him wait his turn. And his daycare teacher reported that he was in more timeouts because he was tired and whiney and not behaving like himself on the mornings after he stayed up until 10pm. And a friend who saw my kid with parents asked if they were feeding him crack because he wouldn't stop bouncing the entire time.

So I would like to officially report to my parents that my child is not poorly behaved (most of the time), I do not let him interrupt conversations without punishment, he does go to bed at 8pm (most of the time), he does not get to have cookies and candy on a regular basis, and does not normally bounce around on all of the furniture.

Okay, that last one may not be ENTIRELY true… he *is* Spider-Man, after all.

Tantrums

A friend of mine saw the movie The Change-Up and quoted a line to me that went something like, "When your kid's acting bad and throwing a tantrum, he's tired. When someone else's kid does it, it's bad parenting."

I felt like this today and still haven't figured out which one is the right answer. Gymnastics was canceled today due to seasonal cleaning of the gym before the fall season starts, so we decided to go to a new place that is a giant building with trampolines. Loads of fun for the first 45 minutes. Then it started going downhill. Tantrum. Flinging himself on the ground. Screaming.

Note that he did tell me that "he had used up all his energy," so I can say that he probably was quite tired. I know I was dripping with sweat! But I haven't yet figured out what to do when he's so tired that he's just plain rude to other people. He stole a ball from his friend and taunted her, "I got your ball!!!!" he yelled. And she burst into tears.

I told him that I didn't pay to be there to listen to him cry and that if he wasn't planning on jumping anymore, we were leaving. But the bad mood was officially turned on and there was nothing I could do. Do I spank and remove him completely? Do I ignore it and keep having fun? If anyone has advice, I would love to hear it. It's definitely happened more than once now, so it's officially become a behavior that he believes will get him SOMETHING, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what he's trying to get with this behavior. It could be the irrational exhaustion that comes with exertion, or it could be that he's hoping to achieve some result from the tantrum.

As with most kids, the tantrum only generally occurs when he's really tired and gets told "no." Any other time, he's a good fun kid who is mostly friendly and helpful. But I feel like the way he reacts to negative news while tired is some sort of omen to his future life when something happens to him... like getting bullied, or getting fired from a job. Am I overthinking this?

Vacation preparation

Vacation preparations are so stressful!

When planning a vacation, first of all, it is helpful to know if you are driving or flying. When you don't know which mode of transportation you are taking, it greatly impacts your ability to properly pack.

If we're driving, well that involves a couple of suitcases, a beach umbrella, some duffle bags with beach toys, the car DVD player, some DVDs, snakcs, drinks, loads of activity books and car toys in a readily-accessible package.

If flying, then we're looking at getting everything into 3 suitcases with no beach umbrella and minimal carry-on bags.

So right now, as I think about our rapdily approaching end-of-summer vacation, I have to plan as though we're flying, with the ability to overflow into driving. But I'm fairly certain that we'll be driving, so I keep thinking I should plan to pack for the car.

And then I start thinking about what I'll have to do at work the week before vacation...including lining up back-ups for my email Out of Office, as well as lining up people to run the meetings I normally run.

But now let's think about home - I need to do my laundy, the kid's laundry, the entertainment pack (be it airplane or car!), get the dogs boarded, stop the newspaper .... UGH!

I'm totally going to need a vacation from my vacation.

The zen of business trips

I love traveling - business or pleasure, it doesn't matter. The zen of traveling excites me. No matter how stressful or rushed the packing and drive to the airport and run to the plane can be, once you are on that plane, there is nothing you can do about anything. You may be on the tarcam for 20 minutes or 2 hours. You just have to sit there and take it. (don't get me wrong, I don't like being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours!). But it's a lesson in patience, and I enjoy that. I would like more comfortable seats and a little legroom... but I digress.

I'm getting ready for my next business trip on Sunday, returning on Wednesday. My poor husband has to entertain the 3-year-old all day Sunday, and manage the morning routine for three days. I can't figure out why I feel guilty about that. I never get annoyed or angry when he goes somewhere and I'm alone with the munchkin... is it mom guilt? wife guilt? I know I'll have to set out clothes for each day. I've ordered school lunches already, so he doesn't have to make lunch. There really isn't anything else that I can do... and knowing Jeff, he'll line up entertainment with the munchkin's best friend or one of his friends, so I know I needn't worry.

And in reality, I'm actually excited about having 3 nights where the little munchkin won't be waking me up in the middle of the night. And I'm going to a location near a beach, so I can get up early and take a walk by the waves. And it's a professional development and networking activity that I'm going to, so I know it's 3 days to focus on me and my career and things that make me happy professionally.

So I shouldn't worry, and I shouldn't fuss, and I should just focus on the 8 billion things I have to get done before my flight on Sunday... laundry, replenish makeup stash, order prescription refills,  get hair cut, pack suitcase... yeesh... that is the part I hate about business trips...

The business of boredom

Sometimes I get bored. Most days I have a really cool job. Most days my kid and husband are just awesome. Most days I realize that I do have it pretty good. House, job, car, husband, kid, dogs. Livin' the dream. But sometimes I get bored. I've always wanted my own business. I toy with actually running the business I already started. I toy with new business ideas. I toy with writing a book. I toy with writing magazine articles. Will I ever do any of my ideas? Hopefully. Not sure if I'm too lazy to try them, too scared to try them, too time-crunched to try them, or what, but mostly I just keep thinking of new ideas hoping one will really strike my fancy and I can go for it full-force.

The business I already have is my monster and ghost spray - www.mactospray.com - this one tugs at me the most, primarily because there is a garage full of bottles just on the other side of the wall in front of me. Should I actively pursue it, or just sell off the bottles to someone else who can?

Another business was this fun little Amazon webstore I started for travel toys and tools. Would be cool to have a store specifically for the travel needs of kids and families. Maybe a small storefront here where I live and a nice online business to actually bring in the income.

Perhaps I could start a consulting company - I seem to be business-savvy enough to assist small businesses with marketing plans and websites, or perhaps I could consult on event marketing or social media strategies. How does one get into consulting?

Perhaps I could start a resume service. I'm awesome at resumes - I love reading and writing them. That doesn't sound like a full-time salary replacement job, though.

Maybe I'll just go watch another episode of Weeds... now there's a business! Just kidding. :-)