I have been working insane hours these past couple of weeks, preparing for executive review after executive review - an endless number of executive reviews! So today was finally the big 5 hour Ops Review and I got it all pulled together and represented my global colleagues who couldn't be there, and it went really well! Presented some cool social media activities we've been working on, some cool ideas for more social implementation at upcoming events. Really cool stuff. So now, I am just pooped. I plopped the kid in front of the TV for some Dora the Explorer time while I let the dogs out, prepared him some dinner, etc.
But I couldn't pry him away from the couch to eat. "I wanna eat here, mommy." Yeah, cause mac and cheese is so obviously 2.5-year-old on-the-couch-eating food. Not likely. But I had such a great day that I absolutely don't want to end it with a fight with the kiddo. We already fought over the fact that I only gave him a bite of the gigantic cookie I brought home from work. So I proceeded to sit with him on the couch and feed him mac and cheese while he watched. Great parenting, I know.
But he's happy, he's fed, and he's not screaming at me. And now I can get him to take a bath and go to bed and still claim to have had an awsome day!
Reilly just yelled, "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm writing a blog post about how I'm a bad mommy." He said, "I talkin about Loki. Not about you, mommy." (Loki is our dog... apparently she was bothering him).
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Vacation and back to work
I'm pleased to report that I successfully logged off for 11 days! It wasn't a huge vacation trip, just a little cross-country drive to visit the grandparents. It was such a wonderful week! It was all about seeing the world through a 2.5 year old's eyes. The swimming pool. The "beach" (at a lake). Catching fireflies. It was so wonderful!
Then back to work - luckily, I was pleasantly surprised to find only 500 emails in my inbox!
The kiddo had a bit of a struggle getting back into a daily routine with boundaries. In fact, we're still struggling with the bedtime boundaries that went out the window during vacation.
I'm two weeks back from vacation and have had a headache for the last 4 days... how sad to already need a massage after just 10 days back at work!!
Then back to work - luckily, I was pleasantly surprised to find only 500 emails in my inbox!
The kiddo had a bit of a struggle getting back into a daily routine with boundaries. In fact, we're still struggling with the bedtime boundaries that went out the window during vacation.
I'm two weeks back from vacation and have had a headache for the last 4 days... how sad to already need a massage after just 10 days back at work!!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Weekend of happy mom memories
I got up bright and early (7:51am) on Saturday as it was "my day" to wake up with Reilly. I decided to get us dressed and go run some errands, and had the brilliant idea to call a friend and her son who's a year older than my little one to meet us at Chick-Fil-A. Chick-Fil-A is by far the best rainy Satuday lunch spot on the planet. Not only do the kids get chicken nuggets (classic diet staple), but they get fruit and milk and a book. AND there's an indoor playscape built for the little kids. Our kids played for a SOLID one and a half hours! Leading to a 2.5 hour nap afterwards. So awesome.
Then on Sunday, we went to a co-worker's house who has horses and she showed my kiddo how to brush the horse and then threw a saddle on him (the horse, not the kid) and let Reilly ride around her property. And then took him around the property again, after a very happy "I wanna go again!" My favorite moment was when he yelled "Giddyup!"
I felt like an awesome mom this weekend. Truly memorable moments.
Then Monday rolled around and we were back to the "Hurry up, honey, mommy has to get to work!" routine. *sigh*
Two more weeks until family vacation! Jeers to British Petroleum for ruining our beach vacation, but we'll still have a good time at the grandparents' house since they have a pool! Not looking forward to that 16 hour drive, though...
Then on Sunday, we went to a co-worker's house who has horses and she showed my kiddo how to brush the horse and then threw a saddle on him (the horse, not the kid) and let Reilly ride around her property. And then took him around the property again, after a very happy "I wanna go again!" My favorite moment was when he yelled "Giddyup!"
I felt like an awesome mom this weekend. Truly memorable moments.
Then Monday rolled around and we were back to the "Hurry up, honey, mommy has to get to work!" routine. *sigh*
Two more weeks until family vacation! Jeers to British Petroleum for ruining our beach vacation, but we'll still have a good time at the grandparents' house since they have a pool! Not looking forward to that 16 hour drive, though...
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Constant Stream of Noise
Today was rough. It was a clingy and chatty day for my son. It was like I had the TV on all day but never saw a thing. A constant stream of noise but none of it amounted to any substance. He ends all sentences with "Right?" and replies to all comments with "Why?" If I use the Mommy tune-out he will continue to repeat his statements until I acknowledge some recognition. My auto-pilot now includes random interjections of "yes", "that's right", and head shaking. I've tried several techniques for a little quiet but none of them seem to work. He follows me around while I do house cleaning, talks over the vacuum (and usually pulls out his extremely loud lawn mower to help with the job), he even talks between bites while eating. Naptime is usually the only peaceful time in this house and now those are lost since I have to nap myself. When he's home there's no time to myself.
I was blessed with a child that is motivated by mommy and daddy's approval. He has a STRONG moral compass and wants to make sure (every second) that he is on the right path and that he is thinking the right way or doing the right things. I know this but it still wears on me. I have tried answering his questions with questions rather than definitive answers. It seems to help but it takes more effort on my part and is very exhausting. On day's like today I can usually only muster up "Yes's" and "Uh huh's".
I have only 2 hours a day and 2 days a weekend to set, correct, and maintain proper behavior. It is a constant science experiment to see what is ACTUALLY going on. I know from my bachelors degree in child psychology (and watching a few episodes of Super Nanny) that almost all childhood problems stem from parenting. Fix the parents, fix the children. It's just really tough to do in 2 hours.
I was blessed with a child that is motivated by mommy and daddy's approval. He has a STRONG moral compass and wants to make sure (every second) that he is on the right path and that he is thinking the right way or doing the right things. I know this but it still wears on me. I have tried answering his questions with questions rather than definitive answers. It seems to help but it takes more effort on my part and is very exhausting. On day's like today I can usually only muster up "Yes's" and "Uh huh's".
I have only 2 hours a day and 2 days a weekend to set, correct, and maintain proper behavior. It is a constant science experiment to see what is ACTUALLY going on. I know from my bachelors degree in child psychology (and watching a few episodes of Super Nanny) that almost all childhood problems stem from parenting. Fix the parents, fix the children. It's just really tough to do in 2 hours.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Happy hour guilt
Sometimes I leave work at 4:30 and have a margarita. This is called Happy Hour, and it generally is just that - a single, happy, hour with friends from work. At 5:30, I must depart to pick up the munchkin from daycare.
Since my morning started with a 7am conference call, a lunch meeting (at least lunch was provided), and it's now 10:30pm and I'm still working (taking a short break to blog about it), and tomorrow starts with another 7:30am call, and then my sacred 2 hours of 2-hour-momness is being unforgiveably interrupted for a call with a VP who happens to be on a trip to Asia therefore her schedule trumps mine, apparently, I think I deserved to leave work at 4:30 and have a margarita. But I still feel guilty about taking that hour away from staring at my keyboard frantically trying to keep up with the incoming emails.
So as I think about this, and type about this, I'm noticing a trend among our posts. 2-hour moms sure carry a lot of guilt. Perhaps we need to work on asking for help. Delegating. Expecting more of other people, instead of expecting everything from ourselves.
I got SO angry with my husband yesterday when he hollered down from the balcony, "Are the sheets done in the washer? Can you move them to the dryer?" Are you kidding? Have I ever asked him to do part of a chore that I started? No. I do my own damn chores. I clean up for the housekeeper (I used to really make fun of my mom for that when I was a kid, but now I get it. No, she is NOT here to pick up my crap. She is here to clean the things that otherwise would never get cleaned by me, like toilets and floors).
Obviously, I came to the realization that I was never actually going to clean my own house that having someone else do that level of cleaning was worth my money. And we agreed that instead of spending every summer Saturday mowing and weeding the lawn, a lawn service could that for us so we could PLAY on our lawn. So my brain gets that it's okay to exchange money for time-saving services. But to ask someone else to help with something, and not have anything to offer in return just seems impossible.
I have team members that I've handed projects to who have done *nothing* on them, forcing me to do the work anyway. I feel like they should do these things simply because I asked them to and they agreed, but I really have nothing to offer them for completing these projects other than a big huge "thanks" for allowing me to get other work done. That seems like not a very good reason to press them to complete the projects. Hubby made dinner tonight, therefore HE should clean up the kitchen (since he makes me clean up when I cook). But he's on a 10pm conference call, and I know he won't do it before the housekeeper gets here tomorrow.
So how do we get things done without actually having to do them ALL ourselves?
Since my morning started with a 7am conference call, a lunch meeting (at least lunch was provided), and it's now 10:30pm and I'm still working (taking a short break to blog about it), and tomorrow starts with another 7:30am call, and then my sacred 2 hours of 2-hour-momness is being unforgiveably interrupted for a call with a VP who happens to be on a trip to Asia therefore her schedule trumps mine, apparently, I think I deserved to leave work at 4:30 and have a margarita. But I still feel guilty about taking that hour away from staring at my keyboard frantically trying to keep up with the incoming emails.
So as I think about this, and type about this, I'm noticing a trend among our posts. 2-hour moms sure carry a lot of guilt. Perhaps we need to work on asking for help. Delegating. Expecting more of other people, instead of expecting everything from ourselves.
I got SO angry with my husband yesterday when he hollered down from the balcony, "Are the sheets done in the washer? Can you move them to the dryer?" Are you kidding? Have I ever asked him to do part of a chore that I started? No. I do my own damn chores. I clean up for the housekeeper (I used to really make fun of my mom for that when I was a kid, but now I get it. No, she is NOT here to pick up my crap. She is here to clean the things that otherwise would never get cleaned by me, like toilets and floors).
Obviously, I came to the realization that I was never actually going to clean my own house that having someone else do that level of cleaning was worth my money. And we agreed that instead of spending every summer Saturday mowing and weeding the lawn, a lawn service could that for us so we could PLAY on our lawn. So my brain gets that it's okay to exchange money for time-saving services. But to ask someone else to help with something, and not have anything to offer in return just seems impossible.
I have team members that I've handed projects to who have done *nothing* on them, forcing me to do the work anyway. I feel like they should do these things simply because I asked them to and they agreed, but I really have nothing to offer them for completing these projects other than a big huge "thanks" for allowing me to get other work done. That seems like not a very good reason to press them to complete the projects. Hubby made dinner tonight, therefore HE should clean up the kitchen (since he makes me clean up when I cook). But he's on a 10pm conference call, and I know he won't do it before the housekeeper gets here tomorrow.
So how do we get things done without actually having to do them ALL ourselves?
- I think the housekeeper might just have to clean up the kitchen tomorrow.
- I think the team members might just need a reminder that they agreed to take on these projects.
- I think I will continue to take a Happy Hour every now and then to have a guilt-free moment.
- And I think I will go to bed early tonight.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
The Bedtime Dance
It's Sunday night, the kid is in bed, and I managed to make it downstairs to my computer.
Actually, she's in her room and in her bed, but she's not asleep. Ahhh...now begins the Bedtime Dance. The dance occurs between her bedroom and ours. She steps out of her bedroom, proceeds to ours, I guide her back into her bed. She steps out of her bedroom again, proceeds to ours, and yada, yada, yada...you get the idea.
I'm downstairs now and can hear her through the baby monitor making her escape. When I go upstairs I'll find her either curled up at the top of the stairs (there's a baby gate that would keep her from rolling down!) or right outside of our bedroom.
I'll take any advice anyone has to curtail this routine...I'm tired of this dance!
Actually, she's in her room and in her bed, but she's not asleep. Ahhh...now begins the Bedtime Dance. The dance occurs between her bedroom and ours. She steps out of her bedroom, proceeds to ours, I guide her back into her bed. She steps out of her bedroom again, proceeds to ours, and yada, yada, yada...you get the idea.
I'm downstairs now and can hear her through the baby monitor making her escape. When I go upstairs I'll find her either curled up at the top of the stairs (there's a baby gate that would keep her from rolling down!) or right outside of our bedroom.
I'll take any advice anyone has to curtail this routine...I'm tired of this dance!
Friday, May 14, 2010
2 Hour Mom By Choice
I am a guilty person by nature. Guilty that I had to move 400 miles to separate myself from my family, leaving my mother behind. Guilty that I found a passion in life and was able to make a stay-at-home career out of it (which pays me enough to afford some wonderful luxuries in life), leaving my husband to the daily grind of the 9-5. And, maybe the biggest, guilty that I am a 2 hour mom - by choice.
At first it was going to be two days of daycare a week for socialization. By the time we finally got in at 6 months I bumped it to 3 days for a break (and a little extra time to work). We stayed in 3 days for the next 2 years until I had a perfect excuse - a major project deadline. I thought "just this month I'll put him in full time". The most incredible thing happened - we were both happy. I had time to be productive, I didn't have to worry about filling the day with learning activities, and neither of us were wondering "what's next?". There was no turning back.
I think my son and I were implanted with some type of magnets early on. He is a very clingy child. He would much rather crawl all over me on the couch than play with the mountain of toys in his room. To get him to focus on something other than Mommy has been difficult. If Mommy is in the room nothing else matters. I even have play dates with other friends where we sit there and he hangs on me while his friends play by themselves. It's frustrating for a person like me who has an extraordinarily large personal bubble. He has actually improved quite a bit over the last two weeks. I can tell him to go play in his room and I will actually get some peace for about 10 minutes. I call that progress.
I am a bi-polar mom as well and it seems that, the majority of the time, even the two hours I am responsible for are a struggle. By the time I get him from school we have both had a full day, we're tired, hungry, unable to cope. It takes all the energy I have left just to feed, bathe, and do story time. All he wants is a little bit of my attention (well, all of it actually) and all I want to do is crawl up in bed and recharge for an hour. I have a hard time asking my husband for help. I figure I got to work from home all day - how can I ask him to do all the work when he had to struggle somewhere else with a job that he doesn't enjoy as much as I do? Of course that is ridiculous, but that's how my brain works.
I am sure that is quite enough for today. Just wanted an introductory blog to get the picture started. I use to write all the time and I always felt better. This may never be read but at least it is off my chest. I don't have time for my art anymore so I might as well put a little effort into some cathartic blogging. Thanks for listening.
At first it was going to be two days of daycare a week for socialization. By the time we finally got in at 6 months I bumped it to 3 days for a break (and a little extra time to work). We stayed in 3 days for the next 2 years until I had a perfect excuse - a major project deadline. I thought "just this month I'll put him in full time". The most incredible thing happened - we were both happy. I had time to be productive, I didn't have to worry about filling the day with learning activities, and neither of us were wondering "what's next?". There was no turning back.
I think my son and I were implanted with some type of magnets early on. He is a very clingy child. He would much rather crawl all over me on the couch than play with the mountain of toys in his room. To get him to focus on something other than Mommy has been difficult. If Mommy is in the room nothing else matters. I even have play dates with other friends where we sit there and he hangs on me while his friends play by themselves. It's frustrating for a person like me who has an extraordinarily large personal bubble. He has actually improved quite a bit over the last two weeks. I can tell him to go play in his room and I will actually get some peace for about 10 minutes. I call that progress.
I am a bi-polar mom as well and it seems that, the majority of the time, even the two hours I am responsible for are a struggle. By the time I get him from school we have both had a full day, we're tired, hungry, unable to cope. It takes all the energy I have left just to feed, bathe, and do story time. All he wants is a little bit of my attention (well, all of it actually) and all I want to do is crawl up in bed and recharge for an hour. I have a hard time asking my husband for help. I figure I got to work from home all day - how can I ask him to do all the work when he had to struggle somewhere else with a job that he doesn't enjoy as much as I do? Of course that is ridiculous, but that's how my brain works.
I am sure that is quite enough for today. Just wanted an introductory blog to get the picture started. I use to write all the time and I always felt better. This may never be read but at least it is off my chest. I don't have time for my art anymore so I might as well put a little effort into some cathartic blogging. Thanks for listening.
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